Jun 27, 2023

5 Tips For Navigating All Stages Of Divorce

Kara Francis
Kara Francis
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Divorce Coach, Kara Francis, shares 5 tips for navigating all stages on divorce, on the Fresh Starts podcast, A Fresh Story.

1) Be Present

No matter which stage of the divorce process you are in there is a lot going on. It can feel very overwhelming very quickly. If you feel scared or worried, you’re going to feel stressed and drained of energy. 

The truth is all we have is the present moment. We are not guaranteed more than that; so why waste your valuable time and energy focusing on things that haven’t happened yet and may never happen. Instead try to focus on putting 100% of your energy into one day at a time, one hour at a time, one task at a time. 

Small progress each day amounts to big progress over time. Accept where you are energetically. Just because you have a long to-do list does not require you to complete every task if you do not have the energy. 

2) Focus On What is Within Your Control (and Release Everything Else)

Trying to control the uncontrollable is an exercise in futility and a waste of your time and energy. What’s in your control when it comes to divorce? 

Many things! Your mindset. Your decisions and actions. Processing your emotions. (Preferably with a coach or a therapist) Caring for your body; nutrition, physical activity, sleep. How you respond. The professionals you choose to hire.

Setting and enforcing boundaries. How you spend your time and with whom. At the end of the day ‘what will be, will be.’

3) Silence the Peanut Gallery

As soon as you revel you are getting a divorce; everyone has an opinion on what you should be doing. Guess what?

There is no right or best way to get divorced. Also each state has its own unique laws and rules. So what worked well for one family will not always work well for another. You and your spouse are unique individuals with a unique relationship. 

You have the ability to create a post-divorce life for you. It doesn’t have to make sense to anyone else as long as it makes sense for you and your family. 

4) Set Boundaries

If your goal is to get divorced in a way that feels most true and authentic to you; then you have to get the naysayers out of the way. Energy attracts energy. 

If someone expresses doubt, worry or fear about the decisions you’re making in your divorce- that energy can easily latch onto you and take you right down to where they are at. You could go from feeling energetic and positive to feeling down right there with them. You are the one getting divorced. 

Your opinions matter the most at the end of the day. You need to protect your energy from the naysayers. (Book rec: Set Boundaries Find Peace)

How do we protect our energy? Boundaries. Here are some quick tips for setting boundaries: 

  • Make the boundary about you; not what the other person is doing wrong 
  • Be clear; don’t give a laundry list
  • Be kind; you want to preserve the relationship in some way after the boundary 

5) Lean Into Your Authentic, Most Badass Self

Over time in a relationship you can really lose sight of who you are and what you want in life. 

It is important to spend time doing what you truly enjoy and pursue an interest in doing things that spark joy and light a fire in you! In order to perform other roles in your life to the best of your ability you need to nurture yourself first. 

The good news? Now that you are getting divorced you can do whatever you want!

Go off! Adopt a pet, go out to a movie by yourself, book the trip, start your own business.

Do what makes you feel like your most authentic self!

To learn more, check out Kara Francis at:
Fresh Starts Registry

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